Monday, December 03, 2012
I feel so very judged these days. An example though, of how I manage to make myself feel. B takes his socks off at soft play, we all go into eat party food and B gets up from the table and starts walking around. Neither D nor I have thought to put his shoes and socks back on, someone comments 'oh, look at B,he has no socks on'. My mother steps in and says the right thing 'oh B loves taking his socks off, when he comes to mine he spends a lot of the day taking his socks off and feeling the different surfaces, like the door-mat which he specially likes to stand on and say 'prickly' because he likes the feeling on his feet'. 'oh, right' says the person with what my mother described as a non-plussed look. Meanwhile I have gone full on into 'oh no, he should be wearing socks' mode and am following him around attempting to coax him to put socks on which he clearly doesn't want to do. Cue resistance, wailing and tears. It was at this point that I realised 'I always do this' I take something a person says to heart, I do completely the opposite of what I and B want to do, he ends upset and I end up the mum in the room with the screaming baby.
I am determined to stop this. I need to be able to come back with an answer like mum did and stop worrying that people are judging me. Well, they are judging, but I need to stop giving a toss. I am being mean of course but I do think I need to start getting smarter with my answers, don't you? I want my son to be barefoot if that's what he wants, I want him to feel free to explore. I'm going to get smart and am going to keep on parenting the way I want.