Thursday, April 19, 2012

Determined attachment parenting

I am a full time working mum; or if I am being terribly PC I am a working out of the home mum. I don't know if this makes me a part time mum and a full time working mum but no one ever questions that D is a full time working dad do they? I am also following an attachment parenting style, I have my baby in bed with me every night, I am still breastfeeding, I won't do controlled crying and I respond to my baby when he needs me, I will also never hit my child. Some people tell me that my child will be clingy and insecure, demanding and spoilt. I say - if you can't be clingy and demanding when you are 16 months old - when can you be?

Two things happened recently. I posted this picture onto my pinterest page:

and a complete stranger commented 'ridiculous'. I deleted the comment and can't imagine what she got from making that judgement or why she thought I would want to know that she thinks hitting children is ok.
I have always loved the following quote:

"When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline" -Haim G. Ginott



Then today I was talking to a (childless, male) colleague who ranted on and on about his ex-girlfriend's three year old who should be left to scream and cry rather than tended to by her mother (when he was staying over) because she is going to grow up spoilt and needy and she 'needs to learn'. I asked him exactly what she needed to learn? That no one will come when she is upset? That no one will respond to her cries? That emotions should be kept in check? 'She will be insecure' he frothed back at me. Well actually there is evidence out there that an attachment parenting style actually leads to more secure children and I fail to see how leaving young children in a state of upset, uncertainty and fear can make them into secure adults. Re my colleague, I think he sounds rather spoilt - a 40 year old man pissed off with his girlfriend's three year old for interrupting his time with her mother. I wonder what kind of parenting he had?

I am realising more and more that attachment parenting is not something I have fallen into by accident, it's not something that has happened to me or that I have let happen to me. It is something I feel is best for my child and something I want to be able to speak positively about. So when people say 'are you still breastfeeding?' I want to respold with 'yes, isn't it great!'. When the nursery workers say 'is he still feeding a lot at night' I should be saying 'yes he is, I keep him in bed with me so he can - I get much better sleep that way' rather than giving the non-commital answers I do, or lying - which I have done on occassion. I worry about how the older members of my family will be judging me for 'making a rod for my own back'. I think I worry more about my inability so far to be positive about the choices I make and to speak out loudly against those people who are rude to my face about my choices. I have been practicing ways in which to say I am positively persuing the path of attachment parenting.

I have been doing a tumblr thing for B - things about him - you can read it here if you like

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