Saturday, August 28, 2010

Handling Visitors

I have most probably blogged about this before; my concerns about visitors after the birth of the baby. I went to a BBQ today and we got talking about someone who has recently had a baby. I said I'd dropped a card round but not been to see them as they may not want visitors. Someone said 'oh they won't mind' and then went into a massive ramble about how different they were to another friend who had been quite strict about when people could come round, asking them to come at set times. Now I think that is quite reasonable and is probably what I will prefer to do so it made me worry a bit about how people percieve others and their wants and needs. I don't think I will appreciate people just dropping in without warning or calling to say when they will be round rather than checking first that it's ok. I am mostly worried about the whole breastfeeding thing, and the privacy issue. I don't want to be put into the situation where I have to go up to my bedroom to feed because the house is full of people, I want to be able to enjoy my first few days in my home with a new baby without feeling pushed out. Maybe I am over thinking but I will be giving my husband strict instructions about who can come and when.

The friend at the BBQ said that the latest new mum was out of hospital the same day she gave birth and didn't mind visitors but I am amazed by how people seem to assume that just because you are home the same day then everything is OK and life goes on the same. For all she knows new mum and dad were knackered and craving some privacy but too polite to say. I really think that most people who haven't given birth just don't know anything about what it's like. In the old days mums used to be kept in for days with visiting hours restricted and so they didn't have to deal with people visiting and hanging about for hours. I have been told by some people on Mumsnet that you should make visitors pitch in and help but I can't think of anything worse than having people do my housework or fiddle about in my kitchen just as an excuse to hang about.

My ideal scenario is that we will be given some time alone for a few days to bond with our baby. I have been told that days 3-4 can be particularly bad as new mums can get the baby blues and also the milk comes in around then making breastfeeding more difficult. So I just hope that people will leave us alone and not be too offended if we say they can't come over.

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