Monday, August 30, 2010

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Sunday, August 29, 2010

'Honestly, you won't care'

I really get quite annoyed by all the 'you won't care what you're wearing in labour, you have to let go of all dignity' shit that people spout. I will care actually, and I really don't see why women think I should just give birth topless and exposed when my tits have nothing to do with giving birth. Everytimes someone starts a thread on mumsnet about what to wear in labour there's always someone who comes on and says 'honestly, you won't care' when, plainly, whoever has started the thread really does care or why would they have asked in the first place? I am sure there are plenty of women who don't care and who are happy to be stripped naked or never even thought twice about which nightie to take in but that doesn't mean it applies to everyone. Sometimes I think women who have already given birth can be very smug about other people's choices or needs. Like they have been there and done that and it worked for them so it should work for everyone else. Bollox.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Handling Visitors

I have most probably blogged about this before; my concerns about visitors after the birth of the baby. I went to a BBQ today and we got talking about someone who has recently had a baby. I said I'd dropped a card round but not been to see them as they may not want visitors. Someone said 'oh they won't mind' and then went into a massive ramble about how different they were to another friend who had been quite strict about when people could come round, asking them to come at set times. Now I think that is quite reasonable and is probably what I will prefer to do so it made me worry a bit about how people percieve others and their wants and needs. I don't think I will appreciate people just dropping in without warning or calling to say when they will be round rather than checking first that it's ok. I am mostly worried about the whole breastfeeding thing, and the privacy issue. I don't want to be put into the situation where I have to go up to my bedroom to feed because the house is full of people, I want to be able to enjoy my first few days in my home with a new baby without feeling pushed out. Maybe I am over thinking but I will be giving my husband strict instructions about who can come and when.

The friend at the BBQ said that the latest new mum was out of hospital the same day she gave birth and didn't mind visitors but I am amazed by how people seem to assume that just because you are home the same day then everything is OK and life goes on the same. For all she knows new mum and dad were knackered and craving some privacy but too polite to say. I really think that most people who haven't given birth just don't know anything about what it's like. In the old days mums used to be kept in for days with visiting hours restricted and so they didn't have to deal with people visiting and hanging about for hours. I have been told by some people on Mumsnet that you should make visitors pitch in and help but I can't think of anything worse than having people do my housework or fiddle about in my kitchen just as an excuse to hang about.

My ideal scenario is that we will be given some time alone for a few days to bond with our baby. I have been told that days 3-4 can be particularly bad as new mums can get the baby blues and also the milk comes in around then making breastfeeding more difficult. So I just hope that people will leave us alone and not be too offended if we say they can't come over.

Friday, August 27, 2010

good news

My SIL had her proper Nuchal scan with the properly trained person and her Nuchal thickness came back as 1.8mm so perfectly normal. She still has to wait for the blood results but will know on Tuesday. Mr Beattie at the clinic told her that the NHS sonogropher wasn't trained to do the scan and should never have told her the result (she said it was 4mm) and certainly shouldn't have said it was the thickest one she had seen all year. Totally unprofessional. I wonder if SIL should maybe put in a complaint - I would. Though she says she doesn't want to risk being scanned by the same woman after she's complained. I am so so pleased for her and so so angry at the NHS for being so stupid. Hopefully she can now get on with enjoying her pregnancy.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

...and my midwife visit

Went to the midwife yesterday but forgot to blog about it with all the stuff going on with SIL. It was all ok, I heard the heartbeat and my blood pressure and wee is fine. She gave me some vitamins and is sorting out a prescription for gaviscon for the heartburn, The only odd thing is that she says I am measuring 29 weeks when really I am just over 24. This means that the baby may be bigger than expected or that I have a lot of fluid. I knew I was looking big and everyone was just being kind when they say I'm not. I have to go back in 2 weeks and be measured again and if the measurement is still big will have to go for a dating scan.

One thing which really concerns me is that they are already measuring me a week ahead and so this means they will consider me overdue when really I am not. I know exactly when I conceived because of the IVF but have consistantly measured a week ahead . The hospital would say I am over 25 weeks. Hrmph. If they think I am more overdue than I really am then they might push to induce me whichI really don't want to happen and am going to resist as much as I can because inducement can lead to other interventions.

I am thinking of doing a bit of research into a home birth because I wonder if it might be an option.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Nuchal woes

I waited all evening for my SIL to call about her 12 week scan which was this afternoon so by the time she called at 8pm I was quite worried. Seems that she has not had a particularly great scan. The heartbeat was there and the measurements were spot on which is all one really expects from a 12 week NHS dating scan in Wales. For some reason, though, the sonographer measured the nuchal thickness and said it is a 'worrying 4mm'. Thing is, I know that taken in isolation the nuchal thickness is not an accurate test. The NHS offers blood tests but those aren't done until 16 weeks and so the two combined are not accurate either. Why they have done this I don't know. V has already booked a nuchal test for Thursday and so I have advised her to wait for then before she stresses too much. I just hope I have been of some help, though I know how awful it is to have to wait for all these tests and to get the all clear. Stupid stupid NHS and stupid sonogropher. She may not even be properly trained FFS. It makes me so mad. I just hope that the nuchal measurement on Thursday is better and that she doens't have to go through the grief I did.

Expert advice

I had a big long email from my SIL (The one who has just announced her pregnancy) yesterday RE the Nuchal Scan. They have decided to have it done and in a way I feel a little sad about it. I suppose I thought that they might not bother and now I am worried that they will get a similar result to me (She's 38) and have to go through more anguish after so many years of trying. I have to bear in mind though that everyone makes the decisions that they know they can personally handle. I've told her what I know and what to look out for and to ask. She has her 12 week scan today and so hopefully that will make her feel more positive because I know she is worried about her symptoms stopping. I tried to get her interested in mumsnet but she mailed me back saying she doesn't really do forums. I am surprised by that but maybe I am the strange one. I just wonder how you go through 8 years of TTC without using the internet to do your research!?  Maybe some of us are information junkies and some of us are not. I remember before I had the IVF I researched the best diets to prepare myself for making great eggs and I stuck some stuff on my fridge door. She came over and seemed really surprised by all the advice and at the time I thought 'but surely you of all people would know all this already?'. Strange. We're all different I guess.

I really need to get my arse in gear RE work, there's a lot to sort out before I go on maternity leave at the end of November. I can't leave the place in a state and I will only worry if I do. Still notmuch of an idea who will apply for my job but most likely to be a numpty from over the road.

I am not impressed by my expanding belly - I am HUGE. I'm not saying this because I am just bigger, I really do believe that I am bigger than I should be. I have the midwife today and I think she will measure me. Hopefully I will come out as being some kind of normal.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

There is nothing I can say...

...to make this journey easier for my sister. I do keep telling her to remember that all her tests have come back so much better than mine ever did, that at 42 she has better chances than I do to conceive naturally although since she discovered a blocked tube perhaps that is not really entirely true. I wish I didn't know so much about infertility because I feel like I could give loads of advice but really I shouldn't be because I know better than anyone that advice is useless and doesn't help. Either she will get pregnant or she won't. She came to see me today and I could see that all she was thinking about was not being able to get pregnant. It's just really sad and I can't help in any way. I am pretty sure that the recent news from V has effected her too. She is in the same 'why everyone else but me' territory as I was a year ago.

This weekend has been another lazy one, apart from the fact that I was up early both days because of D's snoring plus we had M here so the house felt rather full. Is it wrong of me to be really looking forward to when we have the baby and having guests will be impractical? I went to see my friend R yesterday to celebrate her 40th birthday.  I was 'the pregnant one' so most of the conversations I had were about the bump, the due date, the lack of morning sickness and the strangeness of being a first time mum. Rachel is kind of my oldest friend, or at least the person I have kept in touch with the longest. We were freinds at school though I am not sure we were best friends as I never really had a best friend. I feel a bit separate from her life as she has been marrid for years, lived away and has 2 kids. we have seen a lot more of eachother since she moved back; I have lunch with her every couple of weeks. Our friendship is a bit like two strangers who see a lot of eachother. We are getting to know eachother again but we never really have the time.
Today has just been a lazy day, though D did put a load of stuff into the roof and K and T came to see us. It's almost midnight and I am shattered.

Friday, August 20, 2010

IVF bag

I just wanted to post this link to remind myself that I want to buy one.


though this one really makes me laugh

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

busted plumbing

My SIL is pregnant! So wonderful. It's my husband's brother and his wife who have been trying for over 8 years (have had to edit this as I put 18 not 8!). We knew that they were going to have another round of IVF but for some reason I had it in my mind that she was having it at the end of July. Turns out she is 11 weeks pregnant and was on the long protocol so she had the IVF around the begining of June. They came to tell us yesterday after several attempts to meet up including coming round when my sister was here last week and so not being able to tell us. I am so happy for them, it is just such good news and I am also really glad that our kids will be very close in age. She is due in March. We will be on maternity leave at the same time too, so hopefully can spend a bit of time together.

In other news we found out what the trickling sound coming from under the floor was - the mains water pipe was leaking! Husband pulled up some floorboards and there it was. We have had it fixed but it was a bit of a nightmare, not least because when I started looking up how to get it fixed Husband took it as some kind of slight against his ability to fix it. We had a bit of an argument. I have been feeling so emotional lately and I don't think he fully understands that growing a whole other person inside you is a really hard thing to do on all sorts of levels. We did talk about it last night and I think he is trying to understand but I can't wait until we get to the NCT classes and he can learn a bit more about the reality of all this.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Turning tables

It seems I am in the unenviable position of being surrounded by people who are desperate to conceive. The tables are turned. Instead of being the one who is being eaten up by my failure here I am at almost 23 weeks, happily pregnant and loving it. I wake up every morning and remember I am pregnant and despite the creeping disrupted sleep and the expanding girth I feel happier than I have for ages. Meanwhile my sister is mailing me daily with updates on her EWCM and SIL (my huaband's brother's wife) has been trying for 8+ years and we think is going through IVF right now.

While I am so sympathetic to all of them, as I know what it's like I don't really want to know about how often people are having sex or when they are experiencing a mucus cascade. On top of that, knowing what I do about how easy it is to get sucked into the whole 'I must have a baby' thing, I fear for them going from naught to full on in a matter of weeks. Naturally my sister's miscarriage has made her realise how much she really does want a child and I have been giving as much information as I possibly can but I feel pretty useless as I know that I can't make her get pregnant. I would hate to think she is turning into me, only having sex when there's a chance of a baby and then feeling totally not up for it the rest of the time.  She has told me of times she has cried over it and it makes me feel so sad.

Was I like that? I don't really remember. I know that I was in tears a few times at my mum's house or on the phone but I didn't ring my sister daily. Perhaps I have forgotten it all because it is so easy to do so once you manage to get pregnant and stay pregnant. Maybe I need to be more sympathetic, particularly as I know what it is like. Thing is I know there is nothing I can say or do that will help apart from to pass on the information I have from my own attempts to conceive naturally.

I probably won't have another child after this one, it won't be biologically possible, but I am really grateful for the one I am going to have. Maybe it is easier for me to accept that because of the struggle I had to get pregnant in the first place and because age is most definitely against me and I have accepted that. Perhaps I am too hard on people who struggle to have a second child but still a part of me shouts out 'at least you have one and you had that one without any trouble at all'.

Last I knew my sil was having IVF towards the end of last month but that was mostly hearsay. I wouldn't expect her to tell me about it as I know she wants to do it all privately. I don't blame her, I wish I had! I just hope that she is successful. I really do hope that they have some happy news because I can't even begin to know what it must be like to be trying for 8 plus years.

We picked up a moses basket and stand yesterday, another not completely essential thing. I won it on e-bay for £12.50 and want it because though Barry is making us a swinging crib we will need something  for downstairs. It's lovely and will certainly sell on - though I could freecycle it once the baby has outgrown it. So another thing for my baby stash which now consists of most of the things we will need in the first few days. All I really need now is re-usable nappies though my husband says he's not keen. I personally don't want to be contributing majorly to land-fill and so re-usables will suit me better ideologically. I will buy them in dribs and drabs over the next few months I think but we will use disposables for the first few weeks while we get to grips with the baby's bits.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

"You're really starting to look like your mum"

So said old school friend at the weekend. I was horrified. Yet thinking about it now and thinking about her I realise I shouldn't have been quite so appalled. My friend is adopted and although she has made a few basic attempts to track down her birth mother she has never really seen it through. Her mum and dad (the ones who adopted her) both died very close together a couple of years ago. I wonder if anyone ever told her that she looked like her mother, and was she polite enough to ignore it - seeing as she has no real biological link with her mum and she has never met her birth mother. I should learn to be more gracious.

Everything is fine with me, I am 21 weeks +3 (open to debate!) and starting to get more aches and pains. Sleeping is really difficult and not just because of husband's snoring. This weeks worry has been the Christmas visits and a very weird thing happened on Mumsnet while I was discussing it with the other women in my ante-netal thread. A new poster came in and started giving me advice about it. It was their first post and they later claimed they had seen mine in the active topics and just felt like responding. I am completely convinced that it's someone I know in real life. At first I thought it might be the husband but really that's not his style. He has his own mumsnet log-in and if he ever reads something I post that needs discussing then he speaks to me in person. Still none the wiser but this is the second time some random person with no posting history has wandered into the ant-natal thread and given me advice. Time for a name-change?

I am now completely convinced that we are having a boy, though I have no medical evidence to base this on except for my husband and I both thinking we saw something on the scan.