Friday, May 07, 2010

Sad for my sister

Turns out that my sister has miscarried and I fel so bad for her and so annoyed at her GP. I should have kept in mind that the average GP doesn't specilise in fertility and quite often they are talking out of their arses. She is really very upset, of course. She went from believing she was having a miscarriage, and actually dealing with it in a very 'well at least I know I can get pregnant' way, to hoping that there was a chance she could still be pregnant, to being told the pregnancy was progressing and then being told that her hormones had dropped. We had both got excited about the prospect of being pregnant together, being on maternity leave at the same time and raising our kids to be really close and then it all got smashed to pieces. I felt so bad for getting so excited because I felt I had been partly responsible for her hope. It's also reminded me that while I may be pregnant now I mustn't forget what it is like for other people who are still trying.

I would really hate for someone I love to go through what I have been through, to feel the same emotions I felt about other people being pregnant and about my body's inability to do what other people seemed to find so natureal. Or to go through the worry that my partner might leave me or that our sex life might be ruined for ever. I now wonder if I am in the same position my SIL was in that I am pregnant and my sister is not. Even though it took me a long time to get to this point I am still lucky because I did when thousands just don't.

I have a scan next week - I will be 9 weeks. This last week has been a lot less stressful than the ones leading up to my last scan but lately I have been thinking 'am I still pregnant'. I just hope that we have a good outcome on Wednesday because I have read that if you see a heartbeat at 9 weeks then the chance of miscarrying falls to about 2%. I have to see my GP the day after to arrange for a midwife to come round for the booking appointment. I've left it so late because I wanted to make sure everything was ok with the baby before I started thinking of midwives etc. Hopefully they will get one out to me soon as I think most people would have had their booking appointment by 9 weeks.

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