I wish I could have a normal pregnancy. I wish I could stop worrying abou the lack of symptoms. I wish I could be like most other people in their sixth week of pregnancy, ignorant to the worst that can happen. I am not knicker-checking because last time it wasn't bleeding which signaled the end of my pregnancy, it was a scan.
I am worrying about my lack of symptoms, worrying that my breasts are less swollen than yesterday or that the fact they are even swollen in the first place is down to the progesterone and nothing else, worrying that despite the positive test my body is just pumping out hormones to support a non viable pregnancy.
It's horrible and I hate it. On the one hand I am staying positive but on the other I know the worst can happen and it's getting harder and harder to stay positive when I have a wait for the scan. It's only 2 weeks but it seems so far away and then I don't even know if it will be bad news. Of course how could I know, how can anyone know. Maybe I should do what a lot of women on forums I use seem to do and go to the EPU complaining of pains just to get an early scan but what would be the point when seeing no heartbeat (as would be the case) would just make me worry more.
I want to be able to get on with enjoying this. I am trying to convince myself that the stuffy nose I have had for the last 4 days is a good pregnancy symptom.
I have found this site, which put my mind at ease a bit.