Friday, April 30, 2010

Not all about me me me...

Have I mentioned my sister before? She is 42 and last year she left her husband. He was an OK guy, or at least I always got on very well with him but he wasn't right for her. They had been together 15 years and married for 3 but he had long term depression, infact was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder, and had become more and more dependant on my sister as the years went by. He didn't work, he didn't contribute much, he was apparently quite aggressive at times. This is something which only became apparent after they split, though my sister had confided in me a few times about his angry behaviour. Anyway - she is better off without him and has now got together with a guy who is someone we knew as kids. New guy is nice.
So... my sister confided in me that the whole time she was with her ex she felt like he was denying her the chance to have children of her own. He has 2 children - a son he never sees and has not seen since birth and a daughter who is now 18 and very close to my sister, even now. My sister was instrumental in keeping her step-daughter in her ex's life. Still - she felt like she couldn't bring a child of her own into their relationship and I know it's been a big regret of hers. Since she got together with new man she has talked to me about trying for kids. I know she is very aware that her age is against her and my troubles can't have given her much confidence in her own fertility but they have been to the doctor and had the tests and so far all looks ok.

I rang her today. I was feeling pissed off with D because he's planned a stupid Call of Duty game with his internet mates and I didn't fancy being confined to the bedroom while he twatted about downstairs so wanted to know if I could go over to hers and maybe stay the night. When I called her back to say I wouldn't be coming after all (D and I had sorted it out and I prefer to sleep in my own bed to be honest) for some reason I said wouldn't it be great if she got pregnant too and asked if she was still trying. The reply that came made me very sad.

She told me that she wasn't going to tell me until I got through the 12 week stage but she is actually miscarrying right now. I feel so terribly sad for her but she is being quite pragmatic. She hasn't been trying long, she only found out a few days ago and then started bleeding lightly the day after she tested. She was only about 4 - 5 weeks pregnant. The doctor has done a blood test and says her hormones are very low which means she's either only very recently pregnant or she is miscarrying. Apparently the bleeding is heavier now than it was before and so she is resigned to the fact that it is a miscarriage. They are doing another blood test on Tuesday (it's a bank holiday here hence the long wait between blood tests) and then she will know but I think she is pretty much certain it is a miscarriage. New man is very upset, she is the one holding it together.

Knowing what I do about long term TTC I really didn't want to come out with the usual 'well at least you know you can get pregnant' crap but infact it was she who said it and she's looking at it quite positively. She knows that there is a chance that she will be able to get pregnant again and is thankfully now going to start taking more care of herself. She started smoking again when she split with the ex and has tried several times to give up without success. She is also in the first flush of new love which tends to mean more socialising, more drinking, take-aways and general unhealthy behaviour. So she has decided to make a real effort to stop all that in an attempt to get pregnant again. I really hope that she does.

It would have been so so nice to have my sister just 3 weeks behind me and so with a bit of luck perhaps she can be just a couple of months behind me soon.

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