Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I want to feel something

So I am chilled but I am worried. Ever since Sunday when I had that 20 minute fever and feeling unwell I can't help worrying that maybe something has gone wrong. I felt so sick at the time and was in quite a lot of pain in my stomach but afterwards I underplayed it because I didn't want to worry anyone and also because it went quite quickly. Now when I get twinges I worry that it's ectopic. Not that I am spending the whole time worrying, just sometimes. The rest of the time I feel quite chilled out and have a 'whatever will be will be' but if I stop and remember what it was like when I miscarried before and I am so scared. I know evey woman who has miscarried must go through this.

I have a scan booked for 29th April. That's just over 2 weeks away and it will be 7 weeks 5 days since my last period began. So another 2WW for me and then we will know if it's viable. I just want some symptoms to begin and I mean more than the slightly sore boobs I have now. Because of the progesterone pessaries I am not sure if I can trust that sign and anyway sometimes it seems like the throbbing has lessened. I don't feel sick or tired. I just wish it would start soon so that I can feel a bit more hopeful. If my hormones are doubling every day then surely I should be starting to feel something?

I did a digital test on Sunday evening which said 3+ and that means 5+ weeks so should be about right. I haven't had any bleeding so I should be ok, but then I had a missed miscarriage before so what do I really know?

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