Monday, April 19, 2010

"how are you feeling?"

I seem to be asked this on a daily basis. So many people know that I had IVF and so they know that I am pregnant, there was no way of not letting them know unless I was prepared to lie and tell them it was unsuccessful and then surprise them at 12 weeks. So I get a lot of 'how are you feeling' and more specifically 'are you feeling sick yet, are you feeling tired?'. All of this makes me feel even more like there must be something wrong. Everyone else expects me to be feeling rough and because I don't, and it's meant to be the norm, I feel like something is wrong and I can't get it out of my head on almost a minute to minute basis that if I really was pregnant then I would be feeling something.  I did mention it to my work-mate today and explained that I knew it was natural for people to ask but that I felt really pressured by it. Then I got home to another 'how are you feeling' email from my best friend who however much she tries to reassure me is making me feel stressed for not feeling what other pregnant people feel. I walk to the toilet in work silently chanting 'please please please let me get what I want' and what I want is a scan in 2 weeks which shows a heartbeat.

Anotehr thing people say is 'I have a feeling' or worse 'I have a good feeling'. A feeling means nothing when something is so out of my or their control. D's grandmother thinks I am going to have twins. I think I am going to face a terrible upset.

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