Tuesday, February 02, 2010

not fair

So - another one of D's friends is pregnant. Only been with her boyfriend 4 months and so am guessing she got pregnant very quickly if she's telling people post the 12 week check. I shouldn't be bitter but these things always seem to get revealed just as I am about to get my period so at my lowest and it always seems to me that the ones who have spent their lives shoveling cocaine up their noses are the ones who get pregnant with no problem. Perhaps that is what I should have spent my 20s doing? Taking drugs and getting laid? Oh I do sound bitter I know but even with the IVF coming up it's really hard to muster any kind of positivity about my own situation. So here I am again bashing it all out onto a keyboard. It actually helps me make sense of something though. Last week we all went out for a drink to celebrate a friend of D's birthday. Everyone was really quiet and almost like they had nothing to talk about. What I think now is that they had one big thing to talk about and that washer pregnancy. They all met up the weekend before and must have found out then. Everyone feels unable to talk about these things in front of me, and no wonder.

I have 2 'aquaintances' on forums who are now posting their scans, pregnancy tests, pictures of their bumps and even pictures of the clothes they have bought for their kids. Worse, they are seemingly competing against eachother. It makes me so annoyed. I just hope I get pregnant from the IVF.

I am on day 23. Last month this is when I got my period so I am going to be counting each day from now on and yet it is still too early to test. Not that it would be positive anyway but wouldn't that be nice, to get a positive test before the IVF, providing I didn't miscarry.

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