Saturday, February 06, 2010


I am about to eat my 5th egg of the week. Lucky for me I like eggs. When I was growing up the view was that more than 2 eggs a week was unhealthy; that's been revised now which is handy as one of the things I have been told about preparing for IVF is that you need to up your protein. So I have been boiling eggs, scoffing nuts and stocking up on Salmon. My period has still not come and so really I haven't yet started the whole IVF thing, I feel like I will only properly start when I go back on the pill. They estimated that my period would come on the 4th, it's now the 6th and still no sign. I have, instead, had a nice bout of thrush. Last night I did the old yoghurt on a tampon trick and it feels a lot better but time will tell. I also did another pregnancy test this morning. Despite vowing that I wouldn't buy any more tests, because I didn't want any in the house when going through IVF, naturally I found myself in the test aisle in Tesco last night and before I knew it there I was at the checkout buying two of the buggers. This morning's test was naturally negative so I have one test left which I will probably do on Monday if my period hasn't arrived by then. I am only on CD 27 but as last month's cycle was only 22 days and I am averaging about 25 days I count myself officially late. Last time I got pregnant I only got a positive test on day 30 and so of course a little bit of me is thinking perhaps I am. Though I remind myself that last time I got pregnant I miscarried and so if I do get a positive test it's probably likely that it's not going to stick anyway. If I am pregnant then I lose my free IVF chance; being pregnant would take me past the 40th Birthday rule and so if I were to then miscarry it would be a little bit of a is it wrong that I hope I am not?

I have been reading a blog Here which is brilliant. Her last post was her egg collection in December. I really hope that the reason she hasn't posted since is because she is pregnant.Perhaps like me she is worried that people she knows read her blog and so she doesn't want to post until she's past the 12 weeks? Fingers crossed for her anyway.

I spent today meeting up with first my sister and then my friend R, the one who had the baby in October. My sister arrived in the morning and her first words to me were about egg white cervical mucus. Could I tell her what it should look like, or more to the point was the mucus she graphically described the kind of mucus she should expect when ovulating. I thought the best way to show her was to google for one of those pictures where someone is stretching it between their finger and thumb - so I did. Apparently that's what she had. I know this because she told me, just before telling me that she and T had sext wice last night. Wonderful. We are close but I really don't need to know that to be honest. Come back to me when sex becomes a chore and then we can talk about it. Nor do I really enjoy being the font of all fertiliity related knowledge.  Ok, so I don't mind sharing my experience or directing her to the right pages on the internet but I just don't like this latest development where fertility becomes the one and only topic of conversations, well that and her ranting at me about her work.

Everyone seems to have this idea that all I want to talk about is my fertility, or lack of it. Well... everyone who knows about my infertility, well... everyone who knows about my infertility and knows I know that they know about my infertility. There are of course several people who do know but who don't talk to me about it at all, though I have no doubt they do talk about it - just not to me. The truth is that I do spend a lot of time thinking about my infertility, today for example it's been just about all I have talked about. I think that when R is merrily blabbing away about her baby there's a terrible urge inside of me to make her stop and talking about my latest attempts to get pregnant is one way to do it. For example when she is talking about the lovely baby clothes she bought from the NTC sale for T, I will witter back about the diet I am trying to follow to prepare me for IVF. When she talks about how G is at home with T and she doubts T has stopped crying all day because he wants her, I tell her I got my period today and so went back on the pill. We bat back and fore this way until our coffee is drunk and then we hug and go our separate ways. I love R to bits and I know I can talk to her about anything.  She seems a lot happier anyway and not as stressed out about her MIL and her relationship with G.

Oh yes, my period. Just after my sister arrived I went to the toilet and said out loud 'Come on Period!' then wiped and there it was. Who said that positive thinking doesn't work? So now I am on the pill again for the first time in over 2 and a half years. How strange.

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