Thursday, January 14, 2010

lunch with mum

I had lunch with mum today. She cancelled last week because of the snow but I know she really wanted to see me because of the due date looming. We talked a bit about how I feel but all that did was make me upset and to be honest I am doing a pretty good job of not letting myself get upset lately. I didn't full on cry but you know when you get that dryness in your throat and the corners of your moouth turn down and you just can't help yourself… that was me. I tried to explain that mostly I am just not thinking about it but that when very pregnant women pass by in work it makes me think and I can't help but get a bit pissed off. Anyway, she said again about paying for IVF. Said it made more sense for me to have money now than when she dies! I told her that I would feel really bad about taking money from family for something which might not work and that maybe it's best to try as many IUI's as we can rather than putting all our eggs in one basket? However I wonder if with my bad blood results should I perhaps go for IVF?

Mum also said I should be firmer with the people at IVF Wales and tell them how annoyed I am that I was told January but now can't see them until March. So I just called them to ask if there had been any cancellations (no) and asked politely if it was ok for me to call each week as 'I don't want to annoy you'. They say that's fine. Maybe I am too much of a complete wuss. It's not in my nature to be rude to people, only on paper or on blog anyway!

Dale mailed me to ask if it's ok for Damien to visit this weekend so that at least will stop me from becoming a complete nightmare over this whole due date thing. I also have to make sure I am there for Ruth when I see her on Saturday as it's not fair for me to burden her with my issues when she's having such a hard time herself. I just hope that she opens up to me about it all. I don't talk to anyone about the fertility stuff anyway - no one apart from mum and Dale really knows the extent of my emotional distress over this, and even they don't really know.

Anyway… enough of that.

It only snowed for one night so the snow is going again here in Cardiff. Shame. I want proper deep snow like they have in places like Yorkshire. Did I mention about our electric? We lost power to all the sockets downstairs except the kitchen. it's basically that circuit making the fuse trip and even though we've thoroughy investigated and found a couple of damp switches (we've dried them out) it still isn't back on. Am dreading that it might be something inside the walls which will need ripping out and replacing. First the windows and now this! ho hum.

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