Monday, November 02, 2009

The latest update from me

I keep telling myself that I have to pull myself together and accept that shit happens and it's no one's fault it's just the way it is. It's a kind of self-preservation thing I suppose; rather than wallow in self-pity and misery all the time it's perhaps better that I try to get on with things. I am miserable though. Another month and no pregnancy. I have just started something like my 27th cycle and am back on the Clomid again. Hoping for the best this month of course, just like all the other months. Perhaps if I don't get my hopes up too high then they won't crash down so badly. I can pretty much guarantee that this time next month I will not be pregnant, why should I be? We have an appointment at IVF Wales at the end of November. Well, I say we but I don't know if D will come. Supposedly I will be asking about the next step though I know the next step is IUI and a very low success rate.

Anyway - I'd better not start writing about all that because this is when the self pity starts to roll in and as we all know ignoring the situation is a whole lot better for me emotionally so, yes, I had better stop.

I have decided too that I need to stop talking to mum about it. So that's another person off the list of supportive people. I don't have much support at all do I. Ah well - shit happens.

I ended up going to Penarth to see my brother and sister in law and their baby, well I was there anyway after dropping my sister off at some do so thought I should at least call by. It was ok I guess. Mum looked worried, she is still pushing me to go back to the doctor for counselling but the more I think about it the more I recon it will upset me to have someone talk to me about something they can't possibly sort out for me unless they are prepared to impregnante me with good baby making sperm over the couch. So I don't think i will go, I will just talk myself back down every time the baby thing starts to infiltrate my brain. Blocking it all out is surely the way to go. Oh and there was no pregnancy announcement so I guess I got that wrong too.

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