Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I officially need assisted reproduction techniques

...and I have no one to talk to. D seems to almost bark at me when I try to discuss our options and always ends up saying 'well there's only 3 choices' or 'let's do that then'. I am feeling pretty destroyed.

Basically we went to IVF wales and we have 3 choices. Do nothing. Do I.U.I (over £1000) or do I.V.F (£4000). I don;t know what to do but both the consultant and D seem to think I should go sttraight for IVF. I always thought we would try IUI first but I can see how it might be that we throw £1000 at it and still nothing happens. What sense does it make, though, to throw £4000 at it and still have nothing happen. Is 4 rounds of IUI better than 1 round of IVF?

Apparently I can appeal the decision not to fund my IVF on the NHS, which I will do but it's all a bit late to be telling me this now - isn't it?

One thing I really can't seem to explain to D is that if we go for IVF it'll be me who has to go through it all, me who has to deal with the stress, the injections, the drugs, the procedure. It'll be me who has to take time off work to get it all done and it is me who feels like a complete failure.

D says not to worry about money but how the hell am I not supposed to worry about finding £4000? On top of that I now move into the 'has to have IVF' catagory and I am just fed up with all the people looking at me with so much sympathy and yet without understanding what the hell they are being sympathetic about.

Oh and on top of this I got some spotting today to this month's clomid obviously hasn't worked either.

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