Saturday, November 14, 2009

How can you not get it

Here I am, Day 15 of my cycle with no signs of ovulation at all but knowing that it's really very important to keep having regular sex and yet it's Saturday morning and the last time we had sex was Wednesday evening. I feel like we keep missing the opportunity because there always seems to be something stopping us and if we do manage it it's so forced that it hardly feels worth it. Last night we went for a meal for someone's birthday which was fun but the only two lengthy conversations I had were about my infertility. Once with someone I really like and who managed not to patronise me but kept to the basics and didn't feed me any of that 'it'll happen' shit. The second was with someone who was pissed and it was all a bit too 'you're a great person so it will happen for you' to me.  Seems she wants to be my new best friend which is fine and everything but the fact that she compared my inability to have children with her inability to find a boyfriend just made me feel a bit annoyed. She can easily find a boyfriend, I can't easily have a baby - particularly if I don't actually manage to have any sex with my husband.

So last night when D finally came up to bed he just couldn't get why I was so upset. Upset that despite having stressed how important it was for us to have sex he didn't initiate it, he didn't stay sober, he didn't come up to bed earlier, he didn't even seem bothered that I was upset despite me spelling it out to him plainly. We have a 24 - 36 hour window when I ovulate and if we go 48 hours without sex then we might be missing that window. We have had sex a grand total of 3 times this cycle and it's just not good enough.  I am not on Cloimid for a laugh. I am on clomid to help US have a baby and so it's really important that we actually attempt to do so. I really do feel like there is no point to it all now.

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