My best friend has had her baby. A waterbirth, no drugs, a boy weighing 6lb 14 oz. He was born at 2.16pm.
I am so happy for her, I cried. I cried for her and I cried for me. I knew this was going to happen and that there was no stopping it and I am trying not to be selfish and just think about me me me but it's hard. Today I found the maternity jeans I bought just before the miscarriage earleir, stuffed into the cupboard out of sight. Weirdly yesterday I found the nappies I bought under the stairs. She says I will love him, I am sure I will. I have to go and see them, maybe tomorrow but I don't want to bombard them so who knows when it will be? Why do these things happen when I am just about to get my period? I am on day 26 of my cycle which is a day over what I used to average at and 3 days shorter than last month. I tested yesterday - stupidly - and it was negative. Ever since I had the last pregnancy I have clung on to the fact that I had a negative at day 26ish and then a positive on day 30/31 and I hope that this will be the case again. I would miss Glastonbury for this. Of course I would. I aslo know I am probably hoping against hope. I will get my period on Monday or Tuesday and then I will have to start all over again.
See... Much as I try to be happy for my riend it is hard, so hard. Also I am running out of friends to talk to.